It’s been approximately a year since I started ballet back in March ‘12, and a really long time since I last posted here, wow it feels so strange to be typing here again after such a long time. Some updates on my life right now though:

First up, I’ll be enlisting into the army soon. Sounds terrible, I know, but on the bright side all I’ve been doing since January till now have been dance lessons non-stop (with part-time work on the side). And speaking of which I have an audition coming up 2 months after I enlist so I’ve been spending weeks mulling over choreography, constantly teetering between “ugh my audition solo will never be good enough” and “calm down daryl you’ll think of something good”.

Up next, I’ve recently purchased my first pair of pointe shoes sometime last week after getting permission from my current ballet teacher to begin learning basic pointe (nothing drastic yet, I don’t think I can handle it), so call it my belated birthday gift to myself of sorts. Had a pretty rough orientation to the preparation of pointe shoes for class however, spent an afternoon seated at Starbucks watching a ribbon-sewing tutorial on Youtube whilst sewing the ribbons onto my shoes. Just had my first class with the shoes on Sunday and all I have to say is that I’m really going to have to start getting used to them on my feet.

So that’s been pretty much it so far. Progress in ballet technique-wise, I’ve definitely improved since I first started but as usual there’s always something to work on (and in my case, quite a bit that needs working on hahaha). Still hopeful about the whole ‘career-in-dance’ thing, and depending on how things play out for the next two years I’ve been considering sending audition tapes to NZSD (if you guys have any recommendations for other ballet academies feel free to tell me about them) once I’m done with the army.

My life in general is a ‘push on you’ll get somewhere’ poster.

Nervous as heck about my audition solo though *clutches cheeks in horror* I’m actually supposed to show whatever I have to my teacher on Wednesday but omg I don’t even know how it’s gonna turn out

*insert motivational quote here*

push push push push push

Just spoke with my ballet teacher this morning. She feels that I haven’t got enough proper ‘training’ so to speak, firstly because I’ve been dancing for four-five months and secondly because adult classes are more catered to amateurs and not for people who are seeking to do classical ballet professionally. She didn’t stop me from auditioning though, although she voiced her concerns that my mere four to five months wouldn’t be able to compare to 8 to 9 years of training, and that she felt that she wasn’t experienced enough to be able to properly help me with crafting the audition DVD because there were male steps and I needed a male solo. She suggested that I should look for an academy of some sort locally that teaches RAD so that I could experience exams and stuff and at the same time tell them what I’m aiming for so that they could help guide me towards that. Something along those lines.

Except that the lack of proper ballet academies here in Singapore is jarring. I don’t really know what I can/should do now but I’ll see if I can manage to get into one of the two local art academies that offer dance as a diploma and have RAD classes concurrently and maybe after 3 years, maybe then will I have a proper fighting shot at NZSD. I’m trying so hard not to let my age after 3 years flash in my mind right now.

Crushing day, I suppose, but she was really nice and honest yet not too straightforward about it. This isn’t the first time that I’ve met with the harsh realities of my situation and disappointment, so I’ll live. I’m not gonna stop just yet, not until the very end.

I still am unsure if I should send in the application anyway.

& is it preposterous for someone to say that ballet is everything and all that he wants to do for the rest of his life after a mere 4 months of dancing?

Four-five months into ballet and I finally have my side and center splits all at the same time oh my god ;_; For the boy who was never really athletic at all, for the boy who used to stay away from the pain that came with stretching.

It’s like all the dedication and hard work I put into ballet never fails to help me reach new milestones and I’m really really really happy.

But then again…I don’t think I can ever become a professional dancer if I were to stay here in Singapore. I’m still undecided about sending my application to the New Zealand School of Dance, because I mean, four/five-ish months of ballet? While other applicants have probably danced for over ten years already. I’ve looked at the application form and under ‘Dance Training History’, I honestly have no idea how to fill that in.

Anyway, I’ve sent a message to my previous ballet teacher who migrated to Germany to ask for his advice and I’m planning to have a talk with my current ballet teacher on Sunday (I recently found out that she is a NZSD graduate) for advice and stuff.

I don’t really know how things are gonna end up but, I’ll always have hope, I’ll always have faith, I’ll never stop chasing my dream and I’ll never stop working hard.

It’s time I pushed this up to the next level!